Book Review: Men Have Called Her Crazy
We're not crazy, just pissed off.
I’ve just spent the last 2 days devouring the much anticipated memoir, Men Have Called Her Crazy by Anna Marie Tendler (AMT). I’ve been eagerly waiting for this book to drop since March and to have it so suddenly end feels like I’ve had a limb torn off. I’m not entirely sure what to do with myself.
I first came across AMT in the wake of her very public divorce with the comedian John Mulaney. I was a fan of his up till this point and when details of his infidelity and general shittiness hit my twitter feed I very quickly aligned myself with his ex-wife. I think many women did. Although my allegiance was born out of her very personal tragedy, it’s been incredible to witness her pull herself up out of the mud these past few years. In some ways the sympathy and support that spawned from this deeply personal devastation catapulted AMT’s career to remarkable heights, and rightly so. Her photography series “rooms in the first house” is a work of stunning self-expression that perfectly captures the emotions one feels when being confronted by great loss. The series follows Anna through all the stages of grief. Each frame is so visceral and beautiful. She deserves her flowers and recognition.
Wintering (2021) - Anna Marie Tendler
What makes it even more delicious and deserving is the fact that all of this came after her divorce. Despite the now notoriety of her ex-husband, AMT found a way to plant and fertilize flowers out of the steaming pile of shit he gave her. It is because of this that I ran to the shelves on the release date of her book.
Like many people, I expected this book to be an exposé of her marriage to John Mulaney. When Tendler announced the release of the book she stated “It is a story about mental health; about being a woman; about family. And finally, about the endless source of my heartbreak and rage—men.” My favourite thing upon finishing it, is that she barely mentions Mulaney at all, and she never does it by name. She mentions her anxiety over relying on her husband’s income, the fact that she used to attend Al-Anon and Narc-Anon meetings for support in the middle of his addiction, and the fact that she’s getting divorced. By leaving him out of the story AMT has taken back her power - this book isn’t about him, it’s about her.
Solstice (2021)- Anna Marie Tendler
Instead, she tells the story of the week she spent in rehab after suffering a mental health breakdown, and of the women she meets while there. Throughout this narrative she expertly weaves in stories unpacking her childhood, and the harmful relationships she has had with men. Her stories about these relationships are incredibly relatable, and probably will be for the greater female population with attachment trauma. Although the themes of mental illness, self-harm, and suicidal ideation are heavy, Tendler has still managed to bring humor and levity to her writing.
You think just being nice and kind solves the problem of gender inequality? It isn’t a matter of thinking for yourself. We live in a world steeped in misogyny. It’s pervasive. This conversation we’re having, your point of view, is misogynistic. You are refusing to listen to the thoughts and experiences of a woman right now. I’m telling you that I have complicated feelings about men, and you are telling me it’s misandry. - Men Have Called Her Crazy, Anna Marie Tendler
This book comforted me about things I didn’t know needed to be comforted, it affirmed frustrations about interacting with men that I’ve been thinking for a long time, and it made me feel seen. It’s a book written for women, but it would be nice if it was read by men.
That would be great.